stormandwind | INBOX: lastvoyages

Tris is anything but relaxed just now, undeniably turned on and simultaneously embarrassed. The contrast between how calm Fives is and how poorly she's handling things by comparison is a stark one. She fights back her usual clawing anxiety at the notion of telling anyone she's attracted to them. She trusts Fives, but old habits die hard. They've hit one of the few subjects that can leave Tris tongue tied.

"No, it isn't about the time. I-" she braces herself, but she's already clearly reacting strongly enough that she needs to offer some explanation. Better to make it an honest one.

"I've been trying to - to ignore how attractive you are for months. It's much more difficult, given evidence," what evidence, fortunately, is obvious enough that she doesn't need to elaborate, "that the feeling might be mutual."

It's easy to feel her tension, pressed against her this way, and her uncharacteristic hesitation before explaining has him absolutely wide awake now, and pushing up to scan their surroundings for danger before looking back at her, concerned. And then startled, because she's attracted to him?

His eyes are wide as she continues, and he can't help glancing down at the 'evidence' before looking back up at her with an expression that's a cross between amused and at least slightly embarrassed when he realizes she's never noticed before. Or, apparently, believed him when he told her in the past. "This is what it took for you to realize?"

Approximately the color of a tomato, Tris grimaces. "I've told you what it was like, when I was growing up. I... only one person has ever been seriously interested. Before the Barge, nobody had so much as kissed me. A number of the people who have told me I'm attractive in were family members or friends who don't actually have any interest themselves. Clark, for instance."

She purses her lips. "So yes, I do need someone to be very explicit, either in words or otherwise, in order to actually believe that they're interested."

"But, that's... I did. I... told you?" He thought he'd been very clear about finding her beautiful, as well as attractive. He hadn't said it because he'd expected anything to come of it, or even considered that it could, just because it was true. "It's not... I mean-" He stops and makes himself breathe and try to untangle the mix of embarrassment and frustration and a creeping sense of hope that's almost as much anxiety as anything. Because... she's attracted to him? Does that... does it mean anything? Concretely?

He presses his lips together and then tries again, but his voice isn't particularly steady as he tries to sort through the tangle. "It's not... my place? To express interest. Like that. Or at least... it doesn't feel like it is." No matter how comfortable he is with her she still feels very much more like a Jedi than anything else to him. "But I thought-" He shrugs and grimaces a little. "I guess I don't really know how? With, um... with a female?"

"I'm intelligent in almost everything except romance. I can be... dense." Very dense. Mostly out of insecurity rather than actual lack of observation skills or emotional intelligence. She doubts things until proven wrong in every possible way.

She tilts her head, pushing herself up on one elbow and resting her other hand comfortingly on his arm. "Feelings are pretty much the same, in my limited experience, though I can guess why this wouldn't be as easy for you. Why you'd feel differently. Everyone who treated you like a person growing up was a fellow clone, correct? All men and boys." With the corollary that just about every woman he met before the Barge must have treated him as a tool or an object. She squeezes his arm lightly.

"As for the rest..." Tris shrugs a shoulder too, speaking evenly even though she's still blushing. "I still find sex intimidating in certain contexts. A lot of my knowledge is more theoretical than practical. Research and questions and experience tend to fix that, I think."

She stops just short of asking him to bed with her, though for how long is anyone's guess.

Fives makes a face at her--accurate--observation, and how obvious it is. But then, he didn't really do anything to keep his discomfort from being blatantly obvious.

"The only females on Kamino were Kaminoans. Or, well-" He wrinkles his nose and qualifies- "I heard there were some female trainers, but there were so many of us and so many of them that I never saw them. And then Master Shaak Ti was there for our last few months. But I, uh, I never even saw a human female until well after we were deployed."

And she was the General's Senator and so far above him as to seem like a different species entirely. And the human females on Coruscant had gone out of their way to avoid them, even with their helmets off, or when they were in fatigues or dress grays. They'd clearly been afraid of them. It's left him very disinclined to even consider females in that way.

"I don't know anything about, uh... about being with a female? Not even theoretical," he admits, since she's being honest. "Just, uh, humanoid males."

Tris nods, because her surprise at anything he said is mild at most. She appreciates the blatant honesty.

"I couldn't escape the theoretical part of it. You know I'm connected to the wind. Did I ever tell you that I hear sounds and voices on it? Things the wind passed over before it reaches me. I've been overhearing people's private conversations for as long as I can remember, and I didn't know how to stop hearing them when I was younger." Control, fortunately, came with training. "I hate feeling unprepared for anything, so I supplemented with books on the Barge before actually taking anyone to bed."

And it's still just been the one person, who was somehow even less experienced than Tris's complete lack of experience made her.

"Do you want to know? Theoretically, or," she pauses, swallows, and forces herself to keep meeting his gaze as she finishes, her face flushing brighter again, "practically?"

"That sounds very useful now that you can control it." He can see how it would have been difficult when she was young and didn't understand it, but now he just sees the tactical advantage.

"There are books on having sex?" He sounds absolutely floored by this idea... that people would write about how to have sex. Partially because it's easier for the moment than acknowledging how floored he is by the fact that... he's almost positive she's propositioning him. But only almost. And oh kriff he wants it if she is... but he has no idea what you do with a female. And the idea of failing at it somehow is a bit stomach-churning. But-

"Practically?" He's not blushing, he's not embarrassed per se, but he is anxious and uncertain and his voice is a rough croak.

"There are books on just about everything," Tris tells him, grinning. Her role as Barge librarian has never included this topic of discussion before. If the genres have come up, it's never been quite so... immediate and personal. "Including a range that spans from basic anatomy textbooks to erotic fiction novels."

Even books don't hold her attention right now, though. She can elaborate later, and find him books if he wants any.

In the meantime, Tris takes a deep, steadying breath, and she nods. Her voice is just the slightest bit breathless, noticeable if he's paying very close attention. "We could. I think I'd like to, if you would. I don't mind answering questions before. Or any other time." Including during.

"... oh." He'd just never even considered that. Books. On sex. He's really not interested in books right now, though. Not with Tris sitting there like that, flushed and breathless, and oh Force... he thinks he might be as hard as plasteel at just the thought, and he pushes the heel of his hand down against the head of his cock through his jeans.

"I-" His voice breaks completely and now he's flushed, though it's more with arousal than anything else, and his breathing is decidedly uneven. "I'd, uh, I'd... I'd like that. A lot. If you're sure?"

Her eyes follow the movement of his hand, and her breath hitches audibly as Tris contemplates the prospect of touching him herself. She can't help the grin that flashes across her face at the words that follow it.

She could give him a simple response, but he told her emphatically how attractive she is. He deserves the same. Her answer is simultaneously breathy and utterly determined. "Fives. You're clever and resilient and eager to learn. You care fiercely about helping children who have never been protected or cared for properly. And," she lets her gaze roam down his body again. "I wouldn't care about this if I didn't trust you, but look at you. Yes, I'm sure."

Tris raises a hand to the back of his neck again and leans over to kiss him. Gently at first, but it certainly doesn't need to stay that way.

Edited 2018-09-07 14:52 (UTC)

It's her first words that make him smile almost shyly and flush with pleasure, because it's those things, about him as an individual, his choices and priorities, that matter to him, and having them explicitly recognized and appreciated is still strange and exciting. His appearance is something he shares with millions of brothers, and being physically attractive is preferable to being repulsive, but he has little control over it and so little pride in it.

It's her touch that sets his heart hammering, though, gentle and familiar, but with the intent behind it it's as arousing now as it is comforting, and he leans in eagerly to kiss her. He's still anxious, has absolutely no idea where he may or may not be allowed to touch, or how aggressive to be. And so he lets her lead, keeping it slow and careful for now, and his hand hovers uncertainly in the air between them for a moment before he settles it cautiously at her waist. He's in no rush, he doesn't want to screw this up.

He deserves to have those things appreciated regardless, but the fact that he shares his appearance with millions of people makes it all the more important to tell him. Tris never wants Fives, of all people, to think she's attracted to him for his looks. He isn't interchangeable.

After she's already agreed to sleep with him, he doesn't have to be quite so careful where he puts his hands, but Tris isn't rushing either. Not with how anxious he was about the idea of sex. She does settle back comfortably onto the ground though, pulling Fives with her. Tris smiles against his lips for an instant before she opens her mouth to tangle her tongue with his.

It's been nearly a year since Tris kissed anyone as herself rather than in a breach. And if she's honest, she's wanted to kiss Fives for months.

Fives follows her down eagerly, though he's careful about supporting his own weight--she's so much smaller than anyone he's ever touched like this before. The feel of her beneath him is amazing, though, soft and giving and he groans into the kiss at the feel of her breasts against his chest.

The kiss is much softer as well, he finds, with no stubble to catch against his, and he lifts his hand reflexively from her waist to cup her cheek in fascination. It's so smooth, and his thumb traces along her cheekbone while his fingers brush at the delicate shell of her ear as he licks delicately into her mouth. He's so careful about everything, so concerned not to hurt her and so clueless about what might.

It isn't so much the feel of him that gets to Tris as the sound he makes. Her free arm slides around Fives' waist immediately at that groan, tightening reflexively to hold him against her. She'd appreciate some of his weight on her, actually, though she also appreciates him considerately not crushing the air from her lungs.

Tris doesn't mind gentle. She's perfectly willing to let Fives set the tone right now. She doesn't realize, yet, how worried he is that she might break.

The hand on his neck shifts slightly so that Tris can run her thumb along his jawline as she kisses him slowly.

When she pulls him down by his waist he does finally settle some of his weight carefully on her, then groans again at the feel of his erection pressing against her thigh. Force, she's so tiny, she even makes Jedao seem broad and tall by comparison, and it's both exciting and intimidating. She must be so much more delicate, so much easier to hurt, no matter how powerful she is in other ways.

But she feels so kriffing good, soft yet solid beneath him, and he finally dares to let his free hand roam a little. Down her side, to the unfamiliar swell of her hip, the softness of her thigh under layers and layers of petticoats. Then up again, to cautiously caress the side of her breast. He can't keep back another groan at that, and his hips stutter against her, his erection dragging at her thigh again.

The weight of him on top of her is as solid and reassuring as it is arousing. Touch and affection still feel like a foreign language she's scrambling to speak fluently as often as not, but Fives has been wrapping himself around her for months. It's surprisingly easy to take a step past that, without any of her usual moments of hesitation.

Tris hums appreciatively into his mouth as Fives runs his hand over her side, then gasps as his hips move and he touches her breast. She shifts her leg, pressing up into him.

Her hand slips below his shirt and Tris splays warm fingers on his lower back. In spite of the pressure of her thigh between his legs, there's nothing hurried or frantic about the movement. Tris just wants to feel skin rather than fabric.

It's so different from the feel of Jedao or Clark or one of his brothers under him. She's so much smaller, and softer, and then hand splayed over the skin of his back feels tiny and delicate. It's amazing and disorienting and exciting and terrifying... and he wishes he could feel bare skin in turn, but he has no idea where to even start to accomplish that, with all the layers Tris is wearing.

He does pull away a little to work his hand between them, to brush over the spot where he thinks, perhaps, her nipple might be under her dress, though he's not sure if that will be sensitive for her or not. He's not sure what he should do at all, honestly, beyond the kissing, which is really kriffing nice on its own, the feel of her leg pressed against him, giving him something solid to rock against, is amazing, and he'd like to return the favor. Except... she doesn't have a cock and he's not at all sure what she does have that might be sensitive in turn.

The thought's embarrassing and frustrating and he breaks the kiss to look down at her, flushed and a little breathless. "I... what... um... I don't know... where to touch," he mumbles. "What to, uh... to do for you."

He isn't making bad guesses, and Tris arches into Fives' hand when he rubs at her nipple through her dress. "Breasts," she confirms, her breath ragged between words, "are good. There's a spot between my legs that I can point out specifically once we're out of our clothes. General area is enough for the time being. But I think you could touch me anywhere you want and I'd be delighted right now."

He isn't the only person with some concerns about the current situation. Tris kisses the corner of Fives' mouth before she adds hers.

"If you want to have sex now," she tells him, still struggling to catch her breath, "We should move to my room before this goes further. I... this is the first time that you've had to worry about getting anyone pregnant, but it's been long enough since I last had sex that I haven't taken medicine to prevent pregnancy. I need to get something."

Tris has no idea whether it's even possible to become pregnant on the Barge. The fact that she isn't aging would seem to suggest not, but she believes in preparation and precautions whenever possible. Sex is no exception.

...She'll explain pregnancy if she has to. She hopes he's at least aware of that much.

"They're very good," he agrees more than a bit raggedly himself, and he thumbs experimentally at her nipple again. The softness under his hand is fascinating. Still, he shifts his hand lower at her words, callouses occasionally catching at the fabric of her dress as he slides it over the equally delightful and unfamiliar softness of her belly, and then finds the apex of her thighs as best he can through the layers of dress and petticoats.

It's... almost distressingly strange to feel nothing there, no cock be it hard or soft, no heft of a man's balls, though he's known for quite some time that there wouldn't be. It's still startling to feel first hand, but also... curious, and he presses, lightly, experimentally, wondering just what spot and what motion might be correct.

He's derailed from the entire idea of exploration by her next words, though, and he draws back with a hitched breath. "I-" He presses his lips together, swallows, wonders why the very suggestion of it hits him so hard. "I don't even know if we can," he finally admits. "Get someone pregnant, I mean." He does, at least, have a somewhat rudimentary grasp of the natural order of things, though a great deal of it is, in fact, from breach memories.

"So, uh... yeah. Just in case. That... it would be-" He stops, a little strangled, a lot flushed. Both by the prospect of actually having sex. With a woman. And the previously completely unconsidered question of whether he ever could father a child. He doesn't have the first idea what to make of the complex stew of emotions they both bring up, so he shoves them determinedly away. "I'd like... if you want to."

Tris groans at his thumb on her breast, shivers as his hand shifts lower, and shifts her hips against his hand.

Then she goes utterly still when he draws back, because that possibility hadn't actually occurred to her until he said it. It seems sickeningly plausible. Of course he doesn't know, unless Fives was ever privy to files on what the Kaminoans did to him and all of his brothers. And why would he be? They considered him an object, not a person. He never had the right of information or consent for their manipulations. Tris reaches down to take his hand, tilts her head up to rest her forehead against his.

"I'm not sure anyone can on the Barge. I just prefer to be careful." And... she can't quite bring herself to leave the rest of it unaddressed, even if Fives tries to. She kisses him once, quick and fierce with the edge of her anger at everyone involved in creating him. "You'll have more children than you know what to do with once you leave, and biology is the least important part of what makes a family."

Fives knows what her birth family was like, and how important the family that found and chose her is by comparison. He knows that she gave up her name to choose one that she could share with someone who loved her instead. Those words are anything but empty, coming from Tris.

"No, it's... don't worry, I know," he assures her quickly, even though he does feel some small, irrational sense of distress at the thought. Really, he should just be grateful that no one had thought it would be more efficient to make them sexually nonfunctional at all, regardless of whether they're sterile or not.

He smiles at her, and while there's a faint edge of discomfort to it it's still warm, and soft, and hopeful. "Being careful is important, and we will have more children than we know what to do with." Because he always thinks of that future in terms of we. Of him and Jedao and the vod'ike they're going to rescue. Who needs more family than that?

He has every right to feel distressed by that, and Tris can tell that the thought will stick with him for awhile. Watching the soft smile bloom on his face afterward is a reassurance that at least she said the best thing that could be said, under the circumstances. She squeezes his hand.

"I'm glad they have you and Jedao fighting for them, and determined to make sure they're cared for after," she tells him sincerely, kissing Fives more gently this time.

The thought will stick, no matter how much he tells himself it's irrelevant. It's just one more thing about himself he has no real knowledge of or control over, much less important than their rapid aging, or the chips, or their slavery. Jedao's been sterilized by choice, it just means one thing he doesn't have to worry about if it's the case, and he wonders, vaguely, if he should find out... then pushes it ruthlessly aside again.

It doesn't matter, but especially not here and now, with Tris's lips against his and the sweet solidity of her against him. He wraps his arms around her and holds her close, kisses her slow and sweet and deep, and makes a quiet sound of satisfaction.

Tris tightens one arm around Fives again as he deepens the kiss, cradling the back of his head with her other hand. She melts against him. This kiss is thorough and sincere in a way that makes her feel safe and comfortable as much as it makes her want to get him into bed.

When she finally needs air, Tris scarcely moves away at all. She just asks breathlessly, her lips brushing against his once or twice, "Should we go now? We can do, or not do, whatever you'd like, but we have more options if we move to my cabin."

Even setting aside the matter of protection, she isn't actually comfortable getting out of any of her clothes in a public part of the ship. Not even the Enclosure.

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