stormandwind | INBOX: lastvoyages

"He hasn't really," Fives answers without opening his eyes. "But... I'm not very good with fiction." He'd shrug, but he's too comfortable to bother. "It's good of you to do that for her; for her to have people who care enough to do things like that." He cares about Shiro a lot, feels like he has more in common with her than most other people on the barge except Alec and Laura, and like they understand each other so much better.

"He gave me translations last winter. The only book that's ever been written specifically for me. I want her to read those next. But this collection isn't bad."

She presses her hand against the back of his neck, warm and affectionate and much more deliberate than the previous idle fingers in his hair. "Shiro is one of my closest friends. She gives me every bit as much as I do her. And she deserves to have people care for her that way."

"He did?" He sounds pleased by that, though whatever he might have said next is forgotten for a moment as she presses her small, warm hand to the back of his neck and he turns his head just a little, mostly on autopilot, to nuzzle against her. That will always be one of the most comforting touches for him, when it's from someone he cares for and trusts, and he hums a little under his breath, comfortable and pleased... and not really considering that he's currently nuzzling her breast.

"She does," he agrees quietly when Tris continues, focused at least enough on the conversation again. "I wonder, sometimes, if I should ask if she'd like to come home with us, after the barge. She'd make a good brother."

Tris tries very hard not to react to that nuzzling, carefully controlling her breath as it tries to hitch, all the years of meditation suddenly put to unexpected new practice. It's never precisely easy to ignore how attractive Fives is when he's wrapped up around her, but it's certainly never been quite this difficult.

The topic of conversation at least gives her something solid and important to latch onto.

"Sibling is the nongendered term in English," Tris points out warmly, since she doesn't think he's ever needed a non-gendered alternative before. "She would be a good one. I don't know what her plans are after the Barge, but I bet that she'd appreciate you caring about her enough to offer. Whatever she decides."

"Mmm, sibling," he agrees, and thinks that maybe his error in calling Shiro a brother might have upset her, at least a little. "I'm sorry, I'm just so used to only saying brother, and sometimes it just... doesn't make sense why the gender should matter." It seems ridiculous, to need different terms for the same relationship just based on the gender of the person involved.

"I don't know if it would be... something to appreciate, though? Being asked if she wants to come with me to what will likely be a lifelong war," he adds, hitching just a little closer to her, tucking his far hand under her side a little, where he's draped his arm across her. She doesn't mind, so it's not taking advantage... he doesn't think. He hopes.

"Which is why I suggested sibling rather than sister." Because there shouldn't be a different term for Shiro than anyone else just because he's speaking English rather than Mando'a. "You don't owe any apologies for that, Fives. And if someone you cared about asked you to be their vod and offered you a place, would you appreciate the offer? Even if that place was dangerous, and even if you decided not to go."

She tilts her chin to rest on top of his head. "You can offer that connection to her here if you want to, regardless of whether she eventually accompanies you home."

"You're right," he answers, and tips his head just a little so he can open his eyes a crack and smile at her. She's right almost as often as Jedao, he thinks. "I'll ask her, it's nice to be... wanted, even if you have other plans."

He closes his eyes and shifts around to get more comfortable again, his head pillowed comfortably on her breast and one leg partially draped over hers. Not enough that she's bearing any of his weight, just plenty of contact and comfort. He thinks she likes it too. "Would you read some of your book aloud?" he asks after a moment. "If you don't mind?" He might not really grasp the appeal of fiction, but hearing her voice is nice. It's one more reminder of where he is and who he's with, so he can relax and drift even if he can't sleep.

She smiles back at him. Tris hesitates a second, simple gestures of affection never coming quite as naturally as she wishes they would, then kisses the top of Fives' head. It is nice to be wanted. She went enough of her life without that comfort that she acutely feels the value of it.

"I don't mind. Do you want me to start from the beginning, or from where I am now?" Depending on whether he wants a story or just a familiar voice, she supposes.

He smiles and hums at the kiss, pleased at having his casual affection returned.

"Where you are now is fine," he answers easily. "It's just nice to hear your voice... but I'll try to pay attention to the story too," he adds quickly, realizing that might have been a bit insulting to her if she's going to make the effort of reading to him.

"Pay attention to whatever you'd like," Tris tells him easily, squeezing the back of his neck very lightly. She starts reading, her voice warm and steady.

"'What nonsense!' said Ayama, hoping the trembling of her voice did not betray her. 'Of course that's not how the story ends.'

It was not nonsense. The story ended just as the beast had said, at least every time Ayama had heard it told. Still, she could admit that it had always left her feeling a bit melancholy and dissatisfied, as if a false note had been played. But what ending might appease the beast? Because Ayama had been hushed so often, she had become a very good listener, and she remembered the one rule of the thorn wood. The story needed an ending that was true.

Ayama collected her thoughts, then gathered up the thread of the tale and let it unspool anew.

'It's true that the boy drank sun from the white ash ladle,' she said. 'And yes, it's true that he no longer required a herd of cattle for his breakfast or a lake to wash it down. He did indeed marry the doctor's pretty daughter and worked each day to till his fields. But despite all this, the boy found he was still unhappy. You see, some people are born with a piece of night inside, and that hollow place can never be filled - not with all the good food or sunshine in the world. That emptiness cannot be banished, and so some days we wake with the feeling of the wind blowing through, and we must simply endure it as the boy did.'

Only when she finished did Ayama realize that, in fumbling for the truth, she'd spoken of her own sadness, but it was too late to call the words back.

The monster was quiet for a long time. Then he rose, his bushy black tail brushing the ground as he turned his back on Ayama and said, 'I will leave your herds in peace. Go now and do not return.'

And because the wood demanded truth, she knew his vow was good.

Ayama could scarcely believe her luck. She leapt to her feet and hurried from the glade, but as she bent to pick up her axe and her copper cup, the beast said, 'Wait.'

He was little more than a shape in the dark now, and she could make him out only by the red gleam of his eyes and the glow of the carved ridges on his horns.

'Take a sprig of quince blossoms with you and make sure not to drop it as you pass through the wild lands.'

Ayama did not stop to question his command, but plucked a slender branch and ran back along the stream. She did not slow until she had pushed her way through the cruel thorns of the thicket and felt the sun on her face once more."

Edited 2018-09-06 05:17 (UTC)

Fives vague sense of the story is that it's not very... happy, but that he also doesn't really see the point of recording it. There doesn't seem to be any concretely useful information in it and he simply doesn't get the appeal, but Tris's voice is familiar and soothing, and he lets the words wash over him without really focusing on them. Just lets himself drift to the now familiar sound of her heartbeat under his ear, the steady cadence of her voice, and the warmth of her body pressed against him.

It's not the same as being with Jedao or Clark, but she's a solid, comforting anchor to the here and now nonetheless, and it's inescapably pleasant to be pressed so close against her, feeling the softness of her curves, pillowing his head on her breast. He's not focusing on it at all, but it's no particular surprise he's getting hard, and it's easy enough to ignore. That's not what this is, after all. It's just comfort and companionship, he wouldn't dare even think of asking for more, no matter how he feels about her. So he lays very still and assumes that, if she notices, she'll understand it's not a reaction he has any conscious control over and do him the courtesy of ignoring it, as she must have in the past.

The story isn't necessarily a happy one yet, but Tris doesn't like stories that are happy through and through in any case. There has to be at least a thread of pain running through characters' lives for her to connect with them at all. The particular kinds of loneliness she can see in Ayama and in the beast are strike a chord with her, and that tie between them bodes well for things ending up less lonely in the end. That part is worth reading, in her opinion.

Just not right now, because her voice falters slightly in the next paragraph as her breath catches. With his leg draped over her today, it really isn't possible to ignore that reaction. She could pretend not to notice or care at all, but Tris doesn't think she'd manage it. It's easier, playing at being unaffected when she has no reason to believe someone's interested in her. Tris has never been good at lying, and even if she were, she can feel herself blushing already. She knows her face would would give her away immediately if he raised his head to look.

She sets down the book, but she doesn't push him away or move her hand from the back of his neck.

"Fives?" she says, almost hesitantly. There's a chance, Tris supposes, that he's sleeping. He is lying more still than usual.

"Mmmm?" It's a lazy sound, but he's clearly awake, just very relaxed, and he doesn't move or open his eyes yet. "Is it time to go?" He doesn't want to, but he won't protest; it's nice to get this time no matter how long or short.

Tris is anything but relaxed just now, undeniably turned on and simultaneously embarrassed. The contrast between how calm Fives is and how poorly she's handling things by comparison is a stark one. She fights back her usual clawing anxiety at the notion of telling anyone she's attracted to them. She trusts Fives, but old habits die hard. They've hit one of the few subjects that can leave Tris tongue tied.

"No, it isn't about the time. I-" she braces herself, but she's already clearly reacting strongly enough that she needs to offer some explanation. Better to make it an honest one.

"I've been trying to - to ignore how attractive you are for months. It's much more difficult, given evidence," what evidence, fortunately, is obvious enough that she doesn't need to elaborate, "that the feeling might be mutual."

It's easy to feel her tension, pressed against her this way, and her uncharacteristic hesitation before explaining has him absolutely wide awake now, and pushing up to scan their surroundings for danger before looking back at her, concerned. And then startled, because she's attracted to him?

His eyes are wide as she continues, and he can't help glancing down at the 'evidence' before looking back up at her with an expression that's a cross between amused and at least slightly embarrassed when he realizes she's never noticed before. Or, apparently, believed him when he told her in the past. "This is what it took for you to realize?"

Approximately the color of a tomato, Tris grimaces. "I've told you what it was like, when I was growing up. I... only one person has ever been seriously interested. Before the Barge, nobody had so much as kissed me. A number of the people who have told me I'm attractive in were family members or friends who don't actually have any interest themselves. Clark, for instance."

She purses her lips. "So yes, I do need someone to be very explicit, either in words or otherwise, in order to actually believe that they're interested."

"But, that's... I did. I... told you?" He thought he'd been very clear about finding her beautiful, as well as attractive. He hadn't said it because he'd expected anything to come of it, or even considered that it could, just because it was true. "It's not... I mean-" He stops and makes himself breathe and try to untangle the mix of embarrassment and frustration and a creeping sense of hope that's almost as much anxiety as anything. Because... she's attracted to him? Does that... does it mean anything? Concretely?

He presses his lips together and then tries again, but his voice isn't particularly steady as he tries to sort through the tangle. "It's not... my place? To express interest. Like that. Or at least... it doesn't feel like it is." No matter how comfortable he is with her she still feels very much more like a Jedi than anything else to him. "But I thought-" He shrugs and grimaces a little. "I guess I don't really know how? With, um... with a female?"

"I'm intelligent in almost everything except romance. I can be... dense." Very dense. Mostly out of insecurity rather than actual lack of observation skills or emotional intelligence. She doubts things until proven wrong in every possible way.

She tilts her head, pushing herself up on one elbow and resting her other hand comfortingly on his arm. "Feelings are pretty much the same, in my limited experience, though I can guess why this wouldn't be as easy for you. Why you'd feel differently. Everyone who treated you like a person growing up was a fellow clone, correct? All men and boys." With the corollary that just about every woman he met before the Barge must have treated him as a tool or an object. She squeezes his arm lightly.

"As for the rest..." Tris shrugs a shoulder too, speaking evenly even though she's still blushing. "I still find sex intimidating in certain contexts. A lot of my knowledge is more theoretical than practical. Research and questions and experience tend to fix that, I think."

She stops just short of asking him to bed with her, though for how long is anyone's guess.

Fives makes a face at her--accurate--observation, and how obvious it is. But then, he didn't really do anything to keep his discomfort from being blatantly obvious.

"The only females on Kamino were Kaminoans. Or, well-" He wrinkles his nose and qualifies- "I heard there were some female trainers, but there were so many of us and so many of them that I never saw them. And then Master Shaak Ti was there for our last few months. But I, uh, I never even saw a human female until well after we were deployed."

And she was the General's Senator and so far above him as to seem like a different species entirely. And the human females on Coruscant had gone out of their way to avoid them, even with their helmets off, or when they were in fatigues or dress grays. They'd clearly been afraid of them. It's left him very disinclined to even consider females in that way.

"I don't know anything about, uh... about being with a female? Not even theoretical," he admits, since she's being honest. "Just, uh, humanoid males."

Tris nods, because her surprise at anything he said is mild at most. She appreciates the blatant honesty.

"I couldn't escape the theoretical part of it. You know I'm connected to the wind. Did I ever tell you that I hear sounds and voices on it? Things the wind passed over before it reaches me. I've been overhearing people's private conversations for as long as I can remember, and I didn't know how to stop hearing them when I was younger." Control, fortunately, came with training. "I hate feeling unprepared for anything, so I supplemented with books on the Barge before actually taking anyone to bed."

And it's still just been the one person, who was somehow even less experienced than Tris's complete lack of experience made her.

"Do you want to know? Theoretically, or," she pauses, swallows, and forces herself to keep meeting his gaze as she finishes, her face flushing brighter again, "practically?"

"That sounds very useful now that you can control it." He can see how it would have been difficult when she was young and didn't understand it, but now he just sees the tactical advantage.

"There are books on having sex?" He sounds absolutely floored by this idea... that people would write about how to have sex. Partially because it's easier for the moment than acknowledging how floored he is by the fact that... he's almost positive she's propositioning him. But only almost. And oh kriff he wants it if she is... but he has no idea what you do with a female. And the idea of failing at it somehow is a bit stomach-churning. But-

"Practically?" He's not blushing, he's not embarrassed per se, but he is anxious and uncertain and his voice is a rough croak.

"There are books on just about everything," Tris tells him, grinning. Her role as Barge librarian has never included this topic of discussion before. If the genres have come up, it's never been quite so... immediate and personal. "Including a range that spans from basic anatomy textbooks to erotic fiction novels."

Even books don't hold her attention right now, though. She can elaborate later, and find him books if he wants any.

In the meantime, Tris takes a deep, steadying breath, and she nods. Her voice is just the slightest bit breathless, noticeable if he's paying very close attention. "We could. I think I'd like to, if you would. I don't mind answering questions before. Or any other time." Including during.

"... oh." He'd just never even considered that. Books. On sex. He's really not interested in books right now, though. Not with Tris sitting there like that, flushed and breathless, and oh Force... he thinks he might be as hard as plasteel at just the thought, and he pushes the heel of his hand down against the head of his cock through his jeans.

"I-" His voice breaks completely and now he's flushed, though it's more with arousal than anything else, and his breathing is decidedly uneven. "I'd, uh, I'd... I'd like that. A lot. If you're sure?"

Her eyes follow the movement of his hand, and her breath hitches audibly as Tris contemplates the prospect of touching him herself. She can't help the grin that flashes across her face at the words that follow it.

She could give him a simple response, but he told her emphatically how attractive she is. He deserves the same. Her answer is simultaneously breathy and utterly determined. "Fives. You're clever and resilient and eager to learn. You care fiercely about helping children who have never been protected or cared for properly. And," she lets her gaze roam down his body again. "I wouldn't care about this if I didn't trust you, but look at you. Yes, I'm sure."

Tris raises a hand to the back of his neck again and leans over to kiss him. Gently at first, but it certainly doesn't need to stay that way.

Edited 2018-09-07 14:52 (UTC)

It's her first words that make him smile almost shyly and flush with pleasure, because it's those things, about him as an individual, his choices and priorities, that matter to him, and having them explicitly recognized and appreciated is still strange and exciting. His appearance is something he shares with millions of brothers, and being physically attractive is preferable to being repulsive, but he has little control over it and so little pride in it.

It's her touch that sets his heart hammering, though, gentle and familiar, but with the intent behind it it's as arousing now as it is comforting, and he leans in eagerly to kiss her. He's still anxious, has absolutely no idea where he may or may not be allowed to touch, or how aggressive to be. And so he lets her lead, keeping it slow and careful for now, and his hand hovers uncertainly in the air between them for a moment before he settles it cautiously at her waist. He's in no rush, he doesn't want to screw this up.

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